Just A Reminder!
I have felt the need to repeat and clarify something I wrote a while ago, about the world of survivors.
There is a lot of talk about “committees” and “enquiries” and “commissions” and “focus groups” , everyone jostling for position at the front etc. So I think it is really important to keep our very simple messages clear and authentic.
Survivors Voice Europe will never tell you what is the right way for you, there is NO such thing as a “magic bullet” and your own human experiences have given you skills and insight that should be valued and indeed celebrated.
What we will do however is collect and show you as many POSSIBILITIES as we can for your emergence out of the piles of shit that have been heaped upon you.
Anyone telling you they have the answer is wrong, and says more about their ego than your recovery.
YOU choose the way you want to be, YOU choose the things you want to change in your life.YOU decide what you want your world to look like as you emerge and then decide who and what can can help you get there.
You are a very precious ,unique and irreplaceable human being and deserve the best.
Anything else diminishes you and does not recognise the strength you have amassed through all of your adversity.
We will never recommend any one person or approach, but if you want a lawyer, in our pages we can suggest what to look for, if you want a therapist, we can show you all of them and suggest what you need to be aware of.If you want a few self help tips or health improvement tools we can give you those. But what we will not do is tell you what to do!
If you do want to talk to us we are here, if you want never talk to us that is also ok! Please use anything there that you find valuable, and leave behind that which you do not.
The World of Survivors
As we begin our fight back, the survivor needs to consider many things, not least the world we are entering!
The world of the clergy abuse survivors is not a particularly pretty world!
It is an ugly subject, one that most people would prefer not to have to think or talk about, including me!
It is, however, even more ugly if we don’t talk about it.
You will find there are many who like to “speak for us” as if we are incapable of doing that ourselves. Those who want to report about the Tsunami who were never even there!
We are not goldfish in a bowl to be stared at ,observed and anylised. We are human beings who have suffered the worst betrayal of body and trust and deserve the best chance to be as whole as possible. We need to learn to make our own decisions about our recovery, and harness that special survivor power we no doubt possess.
In the clergy survivor movement, there are ,many different people, Rather like those who were in that Tsunami, there were saints and sinners, rescuers and looters, heroes and villains. People who did survive, those that did not. The only thing they had in common was that they were, in some capacity or other, part of the disaster.
Similarly, in this world of clergy abuse survivors there are many occupants, strong survivors, damaged victims, many with physical illnesses, there is narcissism, grandiosity and subservience, plenty of mistrust and even paranoia, the mentally ill ,the addicts, the abusers, the prisoners.. and all of it clothed in secrecy and shame.
There are those too, who hover around the periphery of this world, the condescending, the patronising,the exploitative, but also, thankfully , the thoughtful, the respectful, and compassionate.
There are “career” survivors, the therapists (good and bad!) the lawyers (ditto!) The people who want to use this cause to further their political careers, in fact there is a positive cottage industry having been created around this tragedy!
Each one of us has to find our own “niche” the place which sits best with our own sensibilities. There are as many who make a real difference,as there many valid perspectives.
We all make a contribution, and they are all different.
So it is not really helpful to criticise other’s contributions.
But as an “endangered” damaged individual fighting to survive and thrive, I have had to learn to discriminate between what is really good for my recovery, and what is simply good for someone else!
I feel that as a survivor I have to control my own recovery, I may draw on others to help, we have some wonderful supporters, but they can only ever be that – a supporting act!
At survivors Voice Europe we put the Survivor FIRST- we are not interested in expediency or politics, we don’t want money, we won’t accept funding from any organisation(although some kind individuals have insisted on giving to us!)
Anything we are given is put towards funding one of our projects , which directly support survivors, we will not take any money for administration or travel, we are not career survivors, we see our contribution as a labour of LOVE!
We will refuse any contribution from the church or similar organisation, (knowing full well that they have their own agendas!) and we will not any longer jump to anyone’s tune!
We at Survivors Voice Europe don’t want “dialogue” with the church , we don’t want to “explore the issues” with them, we have no desire to “educate” them we are DONE with them!
We will never recommend anything to any other survivor that we don’t feel we would accept ourselves, and we would expect any ethical, honourable lawyer, therapist, support group, to be open to intense scrutiny! So we will use all our resources to investigate thoroughly anyone who wants to part of this movement, to ensure any exploitation is squashed.
Our focus is, and will remain the individual who has been damaged, how we can connect with each of them, and what we can do to help. We share any skills we have learned freely and with love.
We are not predominantly fighters, although we will get into a fight against the church and other abusers when necessary,( in fact nothing makes my blood boil more than seeing the further abuse by an unfeeling church.)
But our energies are best used in helping with the empowerment of each survivor to enable them to be at their optimum as they go forward and begin to soar above those foul abusers.
We are Survivors, not victims, we don’t need to be pitied or patronised. But we do need, and expect, justice.
We have survived thus far, and retained our dignity, largely through our own survival skills, and we resolve to continue to develop those skills for ourselves and others.
We all had control of our lives taken away once, we need to take great care never to be in that position again!
