Get The Feel Good Factor!
I have always instinctively known that as a rule it is better to give than to receive. Not because of any religious doctrine or parable, not because I am trying to be Pollyanna, but simply because it makes me feel good!
Theres no doubt that receiving gifts is always a great pleasure, especially because it means someone is thinking about you, has chosen something with you in mind, and cares enough to give it.
Theres also no doubt that we receive a boost of endorphins, those brilliant “feel good chemicals” when we receive a gift.
But what is probably not so often talked about is that an even greater number of those chemicals are produced by the act of giving! A positive avalanche of them, this is a scientific fact!
Research shows that when you give something, even when there is no chance of reward, even when you may never see the recipient, or they may even not know who you are, the chemical “high” is just the same!
This is all scientific brain research, and it is a great gift!
It seems like a very cool way of getting some “feel good ” to me!
Which is one of the reasons we, at Survivors Voice Europe, shy away from asking for money!
We prefer to give our time, and our resources, rather than hold out a begging bowl, competing with other charities for the small amount of money that is out there. Things like Cancer Research, Starvation, Child poverty, Homelessness, Mental illness, etc.
Nor do we feel that the ordinary “cash strapped” tax payer should be paying for the crimes of the church, making up the shortfall because they will not accept responsibility!
Although we know that because as human beings we are actually hard wired to be “givers” there will always be those who dig deep into their pockets for a great cause, even when they can ill afford to.
I am quite sure that these criminals know that too! And they have learned to rely on it.
Of course there is hardship, many survivors have struggled through life, often ill, their education and work interrupted, never having built up health care plans or pensions. So of course there will be need, and they should be made comfortable.
But it is so important that our needs are met correctly, and we are still able to hold our heads up!
We have always advocated the need for a metaphorical “warm blanket” to be wrapped around survivors especially after a lifetime carrying such a huge burden. I would love to see all survivors being given a safe and worry free comfortable life, their lives being put to where they might have been had they not been so cruelly distorted. Perhaps something similar to a pension would be a good plan!
There may be a need for therapy, but that should not be presumed, and it should be the best professional help that money can buy, not a botched together “charity” that thinks it has the answers,spends most of it’s time “fundraising” and at best sticks a plaster on a wound.
There needs to be the recognition that not everyone needs or wants therapy!! This should be the Survivors choice!! Survivors might want to lie in the sun on a beach somewhere or blow it in a the casino! This should not be seen as a charitable handout , it should be seen as a right,- it has been very hard earned!
Any money, should come from the perpetrators and go- without strings – straight to the survivor. The law should be making sure of this, it is our right as victims of serious crime.
And the law and everyone else involved should be educated into the true nature of this damage so that the punishment as well as the compensation fits the crime.
We as survivors have always felt lower than a snakes belly in the grass, often on the periphery of our communities, sidelined, disempowered. Relegated to the role of vermin scavenging for our basic need to belong.
Why on earth would we then want to become the focus of someone else’s charity?
Why would we want to feel less powerful than those who are making a living out of helping?
Why would we want to be seen as “needy” or inadequate without anything to contribute?
And more than anything else,Why would we not want to experience the buzz that comes from GIVING rather than receiving?
Why would we always give that feeling away to someone else!
It seems that the emphasis is always on “how to get’ something, rather than is there anything I can do to contribute. It is not a default position that I want. I have no desire for pity.
It is well documented that I started my road to recovery with the AA programme, I have talked about my gratitude for those early days.although Ihad to “graduate” from AA!
There are many things that I don’t like about that fellowship, like the reliance on a higher power,and the emphasis on“character defects”,the idea of “powerlessness” etc. although I do know it saved my life.
And there are several things that I think are enviable about that movement.
A fellowship that was started by two “hopeless” drunks helping each other who then “passed that message” on to the first one hundred, and which has now grown into millions who’s lives have been saved.
The fact that it has ALWAYS been non – professional and self supporting, refusing offers of “outside” help, saying “Lest issues of money, power or prestige should detract from our primary purpose” Which in their case is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety.
The idea that having been given this gift, and in order to keep it, you should give it away to others.
It is still the Rolls Royce of recovery, despite a variety of “charities” being created to offer services.
Survivors are strong people! That strength is not innate, we have honed those skills through adversity, and we are still alive! So we do not need to now be dis-empowered
We need people to shout with us not speak FOR us!
We need people to walk with us not walk FOR us!
We need people to hold our hands as we go through our recovery , not take things out of our hands!
To take our rightful place in the World
We have a lot to give!
And we want the same opportunity to experience that ulitmate buzz of giving to others.
