Wednesday 1st August
The older I get, the more into recovery I get, the more I am aware of one very striking fact! That is that the ONLY way to survive with dignity and self respect is to learn the tools for SELF empowerment! Nobody is going to do it for me!
I am sick and tired of hearing survivors talked about as “victims”
I am sick and tired of them being patronised and condescended to!
I am sick and tired of people changing the way they look at us when the facts of our abuses becomes known, fed up with pity and embarrassed silences.
This is nobody’s fault, they can not be expected to actually know how it feels, they cannot be expected to know what we need. BUT I know, and it is down to me to make sure I get it right .
I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am neither ashamed or proud of that, it is simply a fact! AA saved my life, and although I find some of it’s concepts unpalatable, I have none the less been grateful for the real support of fellow addicts, they alone know what it is like, and they alone know that recovery is OUR responsibility.
Over the years I have taught many people who work as professionals in this field, and many of them are very kind thoughtful individuals. But many of their organisations are useless! They fight simply for their own existance, and rarely have a lot of understanding about recovery. That is not their agenda. The only real recovery I have come across in 35 years working in this profession has been for those who have taken responsibility for their OWN recovery, asking only the help of those who have gone before. We are survivors! We have been able to tap into that powerful survival instinct and overcome enormous odds.
One of the traditions of AA is that”AA should remain forever unprofessional” another is that “AA should ALWAYS be self supporting, declining all outside offers of help, lest issues of money and prestige should divert us from our primary purpose”
Often the organisations who are paid to work in this field are simply exploiting the situation.
And now I am seeing the same exploitation with survivors of Catholic Clergy abuse, organisations are springing up -being paid for what they see as their “expertise”. Patronising ,and disempowering people further, and becoming entities who fight only for their own existance, with no real understanding of the needs of the survivor. They become secreteive and competitive, with survivors almost being fought over! This is NOT recovery!
Why the hell would I want to continue to be a “victim” ?Why the hell would I want to stay in the position of being “needy” and unable to function? Why wouold I give my power away, yet again, to any organisation who may abuse me further? How can I find self respect and dignity that way? I am a SURVIVOR! I have tapped into that instinct once and recovered to tell the tale! Most of my inspiration comes from other brave and dignified survivors.
This is why at Survivors Voice we are self funded! and we support our fellow survivors because we LOVE them! and because we know that we will all benefit from each person who recovers.
We may have projects which require support, like our book translations or annual events,and we are grateful for the honourable compassionate people who help.
But helping each other? that is an act of LOVE. This seems to be a concept that is being forgotten. And only we can do it, only we can know how to become whole.’There may of course be times when we need professional help. certainly there can be serious health problems which require expert intervention, but that has to be on our terms, and with ONLY the good of the survivor in mind, not to perpetuate an organisations existance!
So I, for one ,am not a great lover of “organisations” certainly not the kind that expect to be paid for their compassion or those who accept large donations from “interested” others! I do not approve of receiving any funding from the church, they have no right to use us to try and assuage their guilt. They should absolutely pay, but that should be in order to make proper amends to each survivor.They should have no part in anyone’s healing, they have forfeited that right.
When I hear the church ,yet again, say they are “willing” to meet with “victims” It makes me wild!How dare they patronise us!!!
They CANNOT dictate the terms of anyones recovery! They are the last people to know how to do that!
Recovery has to be on MY terms only !
I am sick and tired of hearing survivors talked about as “victims”
I am sick and tired of them being patronised and condescended to!
I am sick and tired of people changing the way they look at us when the facts of our abuses becomes known, fed up with pity and embarrassed silences.
This is nobody’s fault, they can not be expected to actually know how it feels, they cannot be expected to know what we need. BUT I know, and it is down to me to make sure I get it right .
I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I am neither ashamed or proud of that, it is simply a fact! AA saved my life, and although I find some of it’s concepts unpalatable, I have none the less been grateful for the real support of fellow addicts, they alone know what it is like, and they alone know that recovery is OUR responsibility.
Over the years I have taught many people who work as professionals in this field, and many of them are very kind thoughtful individuals. But many of their organisations are useless! They fight simply for their own existance, and rarely have a lot of understanding about recovery. That is not their agenda. The only real recovery I have come across in 35 years working in this profession has been for those who have taken responsibility for their OWN recovery, asking only the help of those who have gone before. We are survivors! We have been able to tap into that powerful survival instinct and overcome enormous odds.
One of the traditions of AA is that”AA should remain forever unprofessional” another is that “AA should ALWAYS be self supporting, declining all outside offers of help, lest issues of money and prestige should divert us from our primary purpose”
Often the organisations who are paid to work in this field are simply exploiting the situation.
And now I am seeing the same exploitation with survivors of Catholic Clergy abuse, organisations are springing up -being paid for what they see as their “expertise”. Patronising ,and disempowering people further, and becoming entities who fight only for their own existance, with no real understanding of the needs of the survivor. They become secreteive and competitive, with survivors almost being fought over! This is NOT recovery!
Why the hell would I want to continue to be a “victim” ?Why the hell would I want to stay in the position of being “needy” and unable to function? Why wouold I give my power away, yet again, to any organisation who may abuse me further? How can I find self respect and dignity that way? I am a SURVIVOR! I have tapped into that instinct once and recovered to tell the tale! Most of my inspiration comes from other brave and dignified survivors.
This is why at Survivors Voice we are self funded! and we support our fellow survivors because we LOVE them! and because we know that we will all benefit from each person who recovers.
We may have projects which require support, like our book translations or annual events,and we are grateful for the honourable compassionate people who help.
But helping each other? that is an act of LOVE. This seems to be a concept that is being forgotten. And only we can do it, only we can know how to become whole.’There may of course be times when we need professional help. certainly there can be serious health problems which require expert intervention, but that has to be on our terms, and with ONLY the good of the survivor in mind, not to perpetuate an organisations existance!
So I, for one ,am not a great lover of “organisations” certainly not the kind that expect to be paid for their compassion or those who accept large donations from “interested” others! I do not approve of receiving any funding from the church, they have no right to use us to try and assuage their guilt. They should absolutely pay, but that should be in order to make proper amends to each survivor.They should have no part in anyone’s healing, they have forfeited that right.
When I hear the church ,yet again, say they are “willing” to meet with “victims” It makes me wild!How dare they patronise us!!!
They CANNOT dictate the terms of anyones recovery! They are the last people to know how to do that!
Recovery has to be on MY terms only !
So they can stick their sympathy, stick their prayers, and stick their narcissistic attitude. actually, if I believed in Hell , I would suggest they go there!!
