So…now we have done it. We have put our diaries online.
We have spoken about it for months: wouldn’t it be great to share our ramblings and our daily discussions via Skype, with others.
Unknown, anonymous, people sitting in their own house in their own world in their own life, somewhere on this globe.
Reading from our minds and maybe willing to share his or her thoughts with us.
What an empowering connection that would be!
Now we have done it. We have put our diaries online and people can read it.
Not because we have something really important or world-saving to say (apart maybe from the fact that we DO realise that there is millions of YOU out there), but to share the things that occupy our minds in this moment in time. We are on the move, we develop new ideas every day, maybe what we think it terribly important to us today, will not matter anymore tomorrow, but for now it feels like worth while to write it down publish it and maybe someone, somewhere in this world thinks:”Yeah, that’s right!” or “Boy, you have no idea!”
August 23, 2011 – The first day
a bit different yin-yang
I don’t want to get into the concept of YIN and YANG here and right now (you will find tons of information through the internet anyway), but to me that means that I feel that I am burning a lot of energy with negative things.
My alarm-radio woke me up the other day with the horrific story of the 34 boys under 18 years old, who’s death in a catholic nursing home has raised the attention of archivists researching sexual abuse in the diocese of Roermond, the Netherlands.
And I wake up ANGRY! I feel the whole day depressed by the thought of those kids, their parents and family, the village where that home stands, etc. etc. I wake up angry and I start to investigate. Looking for other traces of ‘bad news’ about that home. About the diocese, bishops, priests an employees. Anyway: I spend most of the day digging into this case, because it made me so angry.
I am supposed to participate in a TV documentary about this case and dig even more… as I like to be well prepared.
That evening 8 p.m., I am exhausted and when Sue comes online I first don’t feel like talking. But then I know that our talks normally lift my spirits and connect with her. She knows me so well by now that she can SEE in what state I am. And we talk about YIN.
Yin always helps. Yin makes you see the beauty in the world around you again, makes you realise the love of those near to you, makes food taste better and music open your heart. Yin (for me) is the energy that makes me connect and empathise with other people and forget my petty problems, even it is for a while…
I need YANG also. It drives me, makes me endurant and persistent, but sometimes I just need some Yin, otherwise I will burn up like candle and I will be of no good anymore to myself, the ones I care for and to the just cause I am fighting.
So the next day I cooked a dinner together with my son, Ruben. We spend time in the kitchen, chatting about all kinds of stuff that is important to him and we felt good about ourselves. Having spend the time together and serving a great dinner to the rest of the family.
Now that is Yin! That makes me feel better about myself (doesn’t happen very often since my abuse at the age of 13).
That GIVES me energy and makes it all worth while…
Following the maltreatments of the catholic church, unfortunately, makes up a good part of my working day. And there is some of it every day, you don’t need to dig too deep. And I feel that I have to report on it, to show the ‘games’ being played to others who maybe don’t have the time or the energy. But on the website, that we agreed that evening, Sue and I want to put more Yin.
More things that make you feel good than things that make you angry.
Things to help you help yourself, and maybe others if you feel up to it?!?
That is why we are different, why we care about other things than many survivor’s websites do.
The catholic church is not going to support you or make amends with you.
And therefore we better try to help you get stronger, so your life with those you love becomes a little better.
We will still make people aware of how the world is being misled by the catholic church. But at the same time we are conscious that we have to make sure of sufficient Yin for the balance. Because balance is ever important…
Maybe more thoughts about that some other time.
For now: it wasn’t that bad. The beginning is made, the first day of ramblings covered.
Have a great day!
